To: Creative Director, Department of Creative Concepts and Breath Mint Flavor Development
Subject: The final approved version of the new biohazard symbol
Like, yo, yo, yo! Wazzup?
So, okay, I know you guys worked really hard on this biohazard redesign project, and I know I said that your last version was TOP NOTCH. Tell your team SIMPLY AWESOME AND INCOMPARABLE JOB on all their hard work and for getting this done! You guys really hit the mark over and over and over again!
But, okay, remember how I said that Scott was going to take a stab at it? Well, we’re going with his version, which we all think is incredible and totally innovative and it’s totally what we see winning that federal contract for us.
The thing is, the final version you submitted was too busy, and there was just too much going on. The messaging just wasn’t on target, and we felt that the whole “this is bad for you” messaging was going to scare off prospective consumers. Well, the short of it is, your final draft just didn’t capture the essence of what we were trying to accomplish with this radical new redesign.
Scott’s draft is amazing. See for yourself.
This is a lot cleaner, but it’s a lot edgier and the R-bulb really softens this and makes those pointy things look un-Satanic. The absence of an attractive male keeps my sexual conflict at bay, and the purity and beauty of Renee Zellweger really drives home the point that biohazardous stuff is best avoided—and doing so can lead to great rewards. Like bling and babes. Which is the point of the “Bling” word, which everyone will be able to infer all this proper meaning from.Scott feels that this version really speaks to the key demographic (young, male, frivolous) we want to reach, and because he’s executive vice president of domestic operations, we all think he is a genius. A real genius. He makes Einstein look like my stupid teenage son. In fact, compared to him, we are all pathetic, impotent wastes of oxygen, and we can all try to emulate Scott’s god-like genius in the future. That means your department.
So congratulations on wrapping this project up! Tell everyone that they did a MIRACLE SUPER DUPER JOB ALMOST AS GOOD AS SCOTT (but obviously not quite), and that they all deserve raises (if only our budget allowed it after executive bonuses). And tell them I can’t wait to see what you guys come up with on that Going Green project!
I’m off tomorrow to go to Washington to make the main presentation. We’re all certain this redesign is going to win us that federal contract and help us get closer to that second slot!
Sincerely,
Vice President of Marketing
Senseless Solutions
“Dedicated to becoming the second most inept creative agency.”
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