Does your public image need to be roundhouse-kicked in the face?

When people hear your name, do they yawn? Do they go, “Who?” Do they snicker and berate your manhood/womanhood/mulehood? Then maybe it’s time you brought in the best person alive to snap-kick your existing image in the face and turn you into a living legend overnight!

The Chuck Norris Public Relations Firm is the number one public relations firm ever devised by a living entity. Founded by the man who counted to infinity twice and who ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King—and got one—the Chuck Norris Public Relations Firm guarantees a swift side kick to your lackluster public image and get you the kind of respect Chuck Norris gets (almost).

Whether you’re an actor trying to land that next big leading role, an administrative assistant who’s tired of your incompetent boss, or a merry-go-round operator who’s decided that things just got personal, the Chuck Norris Public Relations Firm can turn you into the fearsome badass who’ll strike mortal fear into all your enemies, friends, and loved ones.

Imagine the power of Chuck Norris working for you! What will people say about you?

• It takes [your name] 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• [Your name] CAN believe it’s not butter.
• [Your name] does not sleep. He/she/it waits.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for [your name].
• [Your name] can make women/men/Donkey Kong climax by simply pointing at them and saying “Booyah.”

Don’t spend another day as a nobody. Harness the power of the man who played Russian Roulette with a loaded gun and won, and roundhouse-kick your insignificant existence in the teeth today!

The Chuck Norris Public Relations Firm: Because Chuck Norris Makes Everything, Even Death, Better