How will your next military campaign be remembered by history and Facebook?

You’re about to launch a new offensive to wipe out the bad guys. You need a killer, catchy name for your campaign. But you’re worried that Operation Blood and Guts Slaughterhouse just isn’t catchy enough—and not to mention, it scares the daylights out of the locals. So you change it to Operation Happy Fluffy Bunnies, but that just emboldens your enemies further. Before you know it, you have to cancel your operation altogether because you can’t get your messaging right, and then the terrorists have truly won.

When you’re trying to devise effective battlefield marketing to keep your target audience happy while keeping your actual targets dead in your sights, it’s time to call in the specialists: Advanced Rhetorical Services and Euphemisms. At ARSE, our staff of writers, creative consultants, and marketing gurus work to create the perfect marketing and promotional strategy for your next campaign. Our goal: to help you strike the fear of the gods into your enemies, while keeping the locals and the population feeling really good about what you’re doing.

ARSE offers comprehensive battlefield marketing expertise, and has a proven track record of successful marketing campaigns that have won hearts and ripped others out. You might have heard of:

• Operation Bloodex, which sounded really trendy and high-tech to civilians, and really ominous to insurgents.
• Operation Excelsior Pursuit of Corporeal Displacement into Transcendentalism, which totally confused insurgents and locals alike.
• Operation Valiant Crusader Extreme, which helped sell an anti-insurgency operation to locals while appealing to the coveted 18-34 male demographic.
• Operation We Love the Locals So Much, We’re Ready to Kill for Them, which also helped boost local Valentine’s Day card sales while ridding an area of enemy combatants.
• Operation If You’re Cool With Us, You Have Nothing to Worry About, Unless You’re, Like, Hiding In the Hills, You Know, the Ones Our B-2s Are Ready to Bomb Into Another Dimension, FYI, which featured a really catchy jingle performed by Randy Newman.

Don’t lose the war or the hearts of the population! Take your battlefield marketing to the next level with Advanced Rhetorical Services and Euphemisms today!

Advanced Rhetorical Services and Euphemisms: If you love freedom and America, you’ll use our services.