A Senseless Solutions Initiative: Redesigning the Biohazard Symbol, Part Four

From: Vice President of Marketing, Senseless Solutions
To: Creative Director, Department of Creative Concepts and Breath Mint Flavor Development
Subject: Feedback for final version of Biohazard redesign

Yo!

Thanks to you and your team for all your super hard work in getting this biohazard redesign project finalized! We’re so thrilled that you’ve worked so hard at incorporating our changes into a design that I’m CERTAIN will win us that account with the federal government! Scott really thought this final version hit the mark across the board. So tell your team SUPER FANTASTIC JOB!

Okay, so we all loved this final draft, but we’ve got just a few more changes we’re considering.

The good thing is that this version really hits the target demographic we want, because we all know that there’s no one quite as gullible as young skateboarders. The problem is that this kid looks a bit unkempt, and maybe a bit of a troublemaker. I see this kid, and I bet he’s the kind of dumbass who thinks shopping for stuff is something only popular kids and sellouts do. Something tells me this kid is going to be a nihilist or a Unabomber or something really dangerous when he grows up, and that’s not the image we want to associate with biohazardous materials. So if you can switch out the image to a guy who’s a bit less dangerous-looking and maybe a little more effeminate, we should be good to go. (But not too effeminate, please. You know what that’ll lead to.)

We absolutely LOVE the messaging here! Man, that’s some hip, rad stuff you guys laid thick here, and it’s totally in my face! I love it! The only problem is that the main message—that biohazardous stuff is dangerous—is too prominent here, and I don’t know where that is, but it’s not in my face. Have the copywriters take out that Debbie Downer stuff. We’re trying to win a contract here, not perform a public service.

Scott is glad you guys incorporated the sex-sells approach he’s been clamoring for, but he’s wondering if that black woman (what’s her name? Bounce? Booyah? Beeyatch?) is the babe we should feature in that callout. Is she even considered sexy? Scott says that he thinks Renee Zellweger is a lot sexier, so use her instead. Personally, I think that Rene Russo would be better (I LOVED her in Rocky and Bullwinkle), but Scott was pretty adamant about using Zellweger.

One more thing. While it’s fantastic that you guys found a way to incorporate all our changes and suggestions, Scott thinks this is a bit too busy. He may take a stab at doing his own version, so don’t be surprised if this final draft ends up not being in our main presentation to the government folks next week.

Other than that, SUPER FANTASTIC JOB! You and your team are really nailed this, so now that we’re wrapping up, you can start giving us some samples of our new Going Green campaign.

Sincerely,
Vice President of Marketing
Senseless Solutions
“Dedicated to becoming the second most inept creative agency.”

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Ever wonder what Best Buy® was almost named?

The Marketing Research Department of Senseless Solutions uncovered this secret memo from the Marketing Department of Best Buy®! These are never-seen-before names they were considering for their stores, and comments from their executive leadership!

---

Dear Team:
Thanks for your hard work on developing these names for our soon-to-be-open-for-business big-box electronics store. We’ve reviewed these finalists. See below for comments.

Decent Buy – Not sure that this is strong enough, and sounds slightly Puritanical.

Promising Purchase – Not sure the acronym is going to be all that helpful to us.

Super House of Incomparable Technology – Yeah, speaking of acronym awareness…

Only Dumbasses Shop Elsewhere – I know we wanted edgy, but insulting the customer is too edgy.

Electronics At the Best Prices, No Matter What Those A-holes at ABC Warehouse Say – Not catchy enough, and won’t fit into the yellow tag logo we’ve already decided on.

Machiavellian Electronics Supplier Driving Smaller Stores Out of Business – Fire whoever came up with this immediately.

Soaring Pastures of Digital Lament – For the last time, tell John to not bring his problems or his Walt Whitman/James Joyce crap to the workplace.

All Nude Electronics Review – For the last time, tell Mike that we’ve moved away from the sex-sells approach after that digital camera fiasco.

You’re Not Getting As Good a Buy As You Think Thanks to Our Conniving Markup Strategy – For the last time, tell Mary that the truth-in-our-advertising memo was an April Fool’s joke.

Big Store with TVs and Stuff – Let me guess. This came from that consultant, the same one who suggested, “Big Building With Lots of DVDs and Stuff.” Right?

Like a Supermarket, But With CDs and Stuff - How much are we paying this consultant again?

Good Buy – Sounds too much like ‘good bye’, which might drive customers away from the store, which would be bad for our first quarter earnings report.

Better Buy – We’re getting close. Is there any way we can ratchet this one up?

Crappy Buy – Okay, see, this just isn’t going to work.

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A Senseless Solutions Initiative: Redesigning the Biohazard Symbol, Part Three

From: Vice President of Marketing, Senseless Solutions
To: Creative Director, Department of Creative Concepts and Breath Mint Flavor Development
Subject: Biohazard Project Concept Feedback for New Draft

Hey,

Thanks to you and your team for getting this next draft done so quickly. Scott really felt that this next draft for the biohazard project hit the mark. Tell your team AWESOME JOB!

Okay, so we all loved this new draft, but we’ve got a couple of changes we’d like for you to make.
This is definitely the least Satanic and hippest version, and that’s great, even though the guy in the picture is kind of hot and made me a little less comfortable with my heterosexuality, which could be a problem. But besides that, we felt that this guy is a bit on the meterosexual side, and we were thinking this might not appeal to our target audience of industrial workers. So maybe we need a guy who’s a little more rugged or blue-collar to get this message across.

Also, we’re a bit concerned that we’re not going to draw in the best demographics with this version. As you know, the ideal demographic to draw in are younger Generation Y, Z, and Facebook crowds, and this draft just isn’t hitting the mark for them. Maybe we need to go with a hipper messaging style to get across to them?

We’re also not crazy about the font you used. It’s bold, but it’s also a bit on the science fiction side of things, and we all know that science fiction is for nerds, which isn’t the demo we want to hit. Can you use a different font that’s bolder, edgier, hipper, and more conservative than this one? Also, something that stands out to racing enthusiasts would be terrific.

Speaking of which, we also think the message itself is a bit off. While we appreciate what the copywriters tried doing here, we feel the main message is getting lost somehow. After all, would this poster make you want to avoid biohazardous materials? That’s right, it would, but we also want the user to feel like we’ve connected with them to the point that they’d want to be our friend on Facebook. Any chance you can tighten the messaging so that users will immediately go to Facebook and become fans of our page?

Oh, and Scott was a bit displeased that this still doesn’t have sex appeal. Can you add more sex appeal? Heterosexual sex appeal, by the way, because like I said, this guy is too hot for my tastes, and I really don’t want to feel conflicted about my sexuality again.

Other than that, AWESOME JOB! You and your team are really nailing this, and I can’t wait to see what you guys do with our upcoming Going Green intiative!

Sincerely,
Vice President of Marketing
Senseless Solutions
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A Senseless Solutions Initiative: Redesigning the Biohazard Symbol, Part Two

From: Vice President of Marketing, Senseless Solutions
To: Creative Director, Department of Creative Concepts and Breath Mint Flavor Development
Subject: Biohazard Project Concept Feedback

Hello,

I got feedback from the rest of the executive leaders regarding this project, and we’re generally pleased with this concept. Scott felt this is a much more benign and less Satanic version of the biohazard symbol. Tell your team GREAT JOB!
But when we were looking at this, a couple of us thought that it’s too girly, which would make the company look gay, and we can’t have that (by the way, great job on the “Diversity is Awesome” ads you guys just completed). So if you can make this a little more masculine and less fruity, that would be great.

Also, we were thinking that this isn’t edgy enough. The wings kind of date this and make the company seem like a fairy, and we can’t have that. So if you could maybe make it edgier so that younger non-gay males find this powerful, that would be great. Make it really in-your-face…but not gay in-your-face because that would really make me squeamish.

Oh, and try to make it bolder. The old logo was too wimpy, and I think this one kind of is too. We want something that’s really bold and edgy and sharp. But not too sharp because it might look too Satanic again.

And, oh, try to add some sex appeal. Like I said, this is too girly, but if you can make it a little sexy so that the biohazard symbol attracts the female demographic, that would be great.

Other than that, GREAT JOB! And can’t wait to see your concepts for the company’s new tagline!

Sincerely,
Vice President of Marketing
Senseless Solutions
Dedicated to becoming the second most inept creative agency.

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A Senseless Solutions Initiative: Redesigning the Biohazard Symbol, Part One

From: Creative Director, Senseless Solutions
To: Creative Team, Department of Creative Concepts and Breath Mint Flavor Development
Re: Biohazard Project

Dear team,
I just got the go-ahead from executive leadership on the biohazard initiative. As you all know, we’re trying to win a government contract by offering to redesign the biohazard symbol.
Here are some of the things our regional executives say about the current logo.

• Seems too ominous
• The pointy things remind me of devil horns, maybe make something less Satanic
• Could be friendlier to appeal to a broader demographic
• Needs to be more edgy and more conservative

Moving forward, keep these things in mind as we work to redesign the symbol. Please have concepts to me by the end of the week. The garlic breath mint project is on the shelf for now.

Any questions, please call me or the EAP, preferably the EAP.

Sincerely,
Creative Director

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